5 Years

December 22, 2008 was one of the worst days of my life. The day I lost my brother, Neal, in a car accident. This year marks the fifth anniversary of his passing. Although the last five years have been some of the toughest I've faced they have also been filled with so many joyful changes. This past year has been filled with good things and feels as though 2014 is going to be a new start. I feel like 2013 was a huge healing year and that the rut it felt like we were in is starting to be filled with happy things. Things are happier. Although we will never be completely how we were before the accident we can still enjoy life to it's fullest.

Saturday December 21, 2013 

We went out and decorated Neal's grave. We always decorate the pine tree nearby, although the tree isn't the best looking one, it's always nice to have a little Christmas tree nearby. We brought a wreath and some other little goodies. We spent some time there, mostly watching Glen and Emma have a snow fight. I've never been much of the person to get a lot of comfort at the grave site but it's nice to know that his headstone is decorated and ready for Christmas!

 Dad decorating the ugly pine tree :)

Sunday December 22, 2013

I was up all night having false labor. I didn't sleep much. We cried a little and talked about that day five years ago. It was strange because the sky and the snow was falling this day exactly how it was the day Neal was killed.. My mom and I decided to go out for a walk to see if we could get my labor moving a little bit more. We got on warm clothes and went out for a walk, except we should've brought our ice skates because it was SO icy, mom took a nice fall and we laughed until it hurt. We came back and got ready for church because Dad was speaking in their ward. He did such a wonderful job on his talk and made us all cry. We had big plans to make a bunch of goodies and go caroling to some of the elderly people we love. It was pretty stormy and I was still having frequent contractions so we decided to head back up to Logan.  I was hoping that maybe the baby would come so that we would have a reason to celebrate rather than be sad, but it wasn't in the stars because no baby has made an appearance yet!

Mom and I on our morning walk!

Weekly Visits and How to Raise a Horrible Child

We're down to weekly visits with the OBGYN. We went in Monday afternoon and I'm dilated to a 1 and her head is right where it's supposed to be for labor so It literally could be any day....hopefully sooner than later. With all these storms rolling in you never know! People say babies come when there is bad weather. Also enjoy this little article on How to Raise a Loser:

 If a parent wants to raise a child who is self-centered, uncaring, unable to take care of himself and most likely to fail as an adult, just do the following:

1. Give the child everything he wants, let him do whatever he wants whenever he wants but, only after you have first said no and he has whined or thrown a temper tantrum on the ground with kicking and screaming.

2. Whenever your child is accused of wrongdoing, refuse to believe it; accuse others of picking on him, find excuses and defend him at all costs.

3. Don't give him responsibilities. Do everything for him, even wipe his butt, blow his nose, and feed him. This way he'll expect the world owes him everything.

4. Don't worry about promises or commitments to others. Whenever you or your child change your mind, that's okay because it's not your problem.

5. Let him stay out at night as long as he wishes, and don't concern yourself with what he's doing. Trust that he's learning to take care of himself.

6. Fight with your spouse regularly, especially in the presence of your child. Then get a divorce and blame your child for the divorce.

7. Blame your child for everything including your problems.

8. Become a habitual abuser of alcohol, use illegal drugs, preferably cocaine, and refuse to practice common etiquette in your child’s presence.

9. Complain regularly in your child's presence about how unfair life is, how untrustworthy people are, and how people who are racially or ethnically different are the cause of all problems in this world.

10. Never admit to your child that you are wrong, never apologize for a mistake.

11. Never take time to listen to your child or take his wishes into account.

12. Never tell your child that you love him. This way he'll be more prepared for a rough and tumble world, a “dog eat dog world” where only the strong survive.

13. Teach him it's okay to do whatever as long as he avoids being caught.

14. Always compare him with his brothers and sisters and say to him often “Why can't you be like your brother?” and show obvious favoritism towards the other siblings.

15. Raise your child in a chaotic, unorganized home where little or no routine so his life will be filled with uncertainties and inconsistencies.

16. Physically or sexually abuse your child. This way he will grow up hurt and angry, more likely to abuse others, especially his own children.  

"Plans"

It's midnight and Glen has already been asleep for close to two hours. I laid there in bed with him until he started to breathe really heavy and I was positive he was sound asleep. Then I snuck out quietly and into the front living room where our computer sits. I have too much on my mind to go to sleep right now, and the baby is kicking so hard and moving around so much that It adds to my restlessness. These nights are becoming quite frequent.

Just a little over 8 months ago I found out I was pregnant. I remember telling Glen for over a week that I thought I was pregnant and he kept telling me that I was overreacting and that I needed to give it time. Finally I told him that he needed to go pick up a pregnancy test because I just knew it. He did. I took it. It was positive. We hugged. We cried. We cried because this was not in our "plans". I guess plans change though. It feels like just yesterday that we were hugging and crying and talking about how not ready we were. But it's okay. Eight months down the road and a lot of those feelings have changed. Don't get me wrong, I'm still scared as hell and don't know what we got ourselves into but I can't wait to meet this little baby. I'm trying to be patient and not want to rush her, she will come when she's ready but, I wish she would come out soon! It sounds nice to be able to paint my own toes again and tie my shoes and be able to breathe again. I'm going to be patient and then hopefully she will come in a timely manner.

Our plans have changed. In some ways they've changed in good ways and in other ways it seems like now are plans are inconvenient. Glen is graduating at the end of this month which is way exciting. I was hoping that I could apply this winter for a year LPN program but that's not realistic with a little baby that needs me. So the LPN and RN business is on hold but I will finish it. Glen and I have both been working, Glen full time and me part time, but now with a baby finances will be a little tight because I won't be able to work. So we're moving down to my parents house to live in the little apartment home in the basement. This was the only thing that seemed realistic, especially since we have to move to Med School this summer and we need to get a good chunk of money in our savings to help cushion the costs. Some people might think we're crazy for moving in with them with a brand new little baby but my parents are so helpful that I think they're going to end up being our saviors! If you were to ask me 9 months ago what the plans were, they would not be this. We would stay in Logan for another year, I would do my LPN, then we would move to Med School and then maybe we would have a baby 5 years down the road. Plans change.

I can't help but think of how good our plans are going to be once we get a baby. It seems like our lives are going to get so crazy and hectic but they're also going to be filled with a lot of fun. Plus I think it will be nice to have a little partner while Glen's in Med School so that I don't get too lonely. I get excited when I think about Glen being a dad. He's going to be the best dad. He gave a talk last week in Sunday and I couldn't stop smiling while he was talking. He's so handsome and such a good public speaker. He told lots of stories, scriptural and personal, and I realized how lucky I am. You know when something just hits you all of the sudden you step back and realize how grateful or blessed you are? Well I guess last Sunday I had one of those moments and I realized how lucky, blessed, and grateful I am for Glen. I think because of him i've survived these past 8 months and I don't know if any other man in their right man could've survived the wrath of me. The crying, yelling, and complaining probably would push any sane person over the edge, yet Glen is always there calm and collected ready to listen or run to the store, or listen to me while I complain about school, work or whatever I decided I didn't agree with or like that day. He's a saint.

Well it's late and I probably should be writing my 5 page paper instead of a 5 page blog post, plus this computer chair is giving me an ulcer it's so uncomfortable. Until next time. Who knows maybe the next blog post will be about my birthing experience (may the good lord help me) any day now, any day.

Fanksgiving!

It would be terrible if I didn't take five minutes and write the things I am grateful for. Isn't that what Thanksgiving is about? Recognizing everything we have and taking a moment to step back and look at our loved ones around us. Life is so good.

Thanksgiving this year was spent at the Harlan's. Small and perfect. We had All the Harlan's-minus Bri, Ty, and Baby Han unfortunately, but everyone else was here! Douger, Barb and Justin joined us for the feast. I think being pregnant I didn't quite enjoy Thanksgiving like I usually do, I think it was because after not even eating half of the things on my plate I felt like the baby was going to explode out of my abdomen with a BANG like in the comic strips. I have to say the Sock-it-to-ya salad and the yams alone about did me in! But I prevailed and ate to my hearts content.

After we finished dinner Grammy and Grandpa and the Morris' joined us. We sat and talked and laughed. I was so overwhelmed with a sense of love for my family around me. I sometimes forget what a big difference they really do make in our lives. I thought a lot about Neal too. I miss him especially when we're all together like this, it just doesn't seem right. But it is alright.

Since I'm 20 I will write 20 things I'm grateful for....

1. Toilet Paper (i'd starve before I would go without it)
2. My own family! (BABY COME SOON!)
3. New computers so I can be a better blogger (Got a MAC)
4. My clothes in my closet, since I haven't been able to fit in them a new appreciation has risen.
5. Marshmallow Maytey's
6. 2% milk
7. My family of course!
8. Martinelli's because it's the closest thing i'll ever get to a alcoholic drink
9. Crown Moldings
10. Education
11. Instagram and all it's glory.
12. My amazing bed, this is an understatement, I love my bed.
13. Tea, Hot cocoa, and other hot things!
14. The sun
15. Glen being successful and being SO close to getting into Med School!
16. Glen tutoring me in Chemistry, I would be failing if it wasn't for you babe!
17. Friends and all their hilariousness, kindness, and excitedness for my new baby.
18. Fur, I just love fur right now.
19. Gimli, he's too cute to not be grateful for him
20. Razors, because otherwise I would be a part looking monkey woman.


I really am grateful for a lot of things. Our lives almost seem too perfect, like it's almost been too easy. Glen and I are so happy, yah a little stressed about a new baby (what's new??), but overall we have an great life together full of laughs hourly. Times are hard but times are good and for the most part these are good times and I should appreciate them because you never know what's around the corner. So for that I am thankful.

Help us Choose our Baby's Name!

After much care and consideration we have narrowed down our baby names. We would appreciate any input! Click the link below to take the survey and cast your vote!!!

BABY NAME SURVEY!

Med School Interviews

Well Glen has heard back from 3 schools. Rocky Vista in Denver rejected him, but we don't like them anyways because his scores were way above their average so I think he's too good to go somewhere like that anyways! (we keep telling ourselves that so we don't feel to bad ha!) But really the only good thing that came out of Colorado was The Lumineers and people only know them because of a one hit wonder that personally has gotten so old as far as I'm concerned my grandmother listened to it. Yes, they're from Denver, and now you have another piece of useless information in your brain.

 Midwestern in Arizona put Glen on a wait list which isn't a bad thing. He still has a chance of getting an interview especially as they are rolling enrollment which means as someone drops out they add someone. 

Pacific Northwest in Washington state is so far our favorite because get this, GLEN GOT AN INTERVIEW! We are so excited because I've always loved the northwest and could seriously live there. He flies out January 9th (hopefully the baby is here by then, if not just kill me) He has his flight booked and we are seriously praying our hearts out that it goes well. I was so excited that I started researching the town that the Medical School is in. Yakima. let's just say I'm not quite as excited as I was..... See for yourself.

 As you can see it looks exactly like Utah, which is exactly what I don't want. But I'm still happy that Glen got an interview. And it's nice to know that the picture on the left is only an hour drive away...

We were so happy Glen got an interview that we stopped an got some Martinelli's and had a toast (ignore the ugly scrubs)

Baby Shower

Last weekend my beautiful family threw me the prettiest baby shower I have ever seen! They had a Fall theme and the food was absolutely divine. Briana and Hannah came out all the way from Delaware and were able to be there! Here are some of the beautiful pictures from the shower, just to give you a taste of how perfect it was! Thanks to all the beauties who made it!

 Yummy Ginger-Ale & Apple juice concoction

 

Pumpkin cheese balls!

Pumpkin rolls and tarts

Family Pictures :)