A Serious Post-Glioblastoma

I've put this off too long. It's hard for me to believe that a person can make it through their life without experiencing the death of a loved one, or someone close to us. I know I haven't.

Our next door neighbors, Clyde and Carol are the most incredible people. Since I can remember they have been to all my sporting events, baptism, birthday parties, and even came over to our house for all my dances to see me all dressed up before I left on my dates. Almost every Sunday night was spent at their house playing games, eating junk food, or watching TV/movies. Carol and I went to every Twilight midnight movie together among countless others. I became close with both Clyde and Carol, especially as I have grown older. If I was born 30 years earlier I'm sure Clyde and I would've gotten together. We joked a lot and laughed a lot but he and I talked on the phone often especially when I moved to college. He had failing health due to a disease called Lupus. When I would come down from USU on the weekends I would go sit at Dialysis with him while I studied for my next test, while also visiting and having good talks. He also was so skeptical of Glen, he wasn't impressed by this "going to be a doctor" fella. But he approved, even though he didn't want to. Carol and I were best friends. I'm not kidding. We would laugh so hard I almost would pee. She was so funny and crazy. Dancing in the car, ice cream runs, movies, dinners/lunches, shopping, and don't forget your Hollywood sleeze- she knew everything. Plus she always had a good book to recommend or would have a good TV show to watch. Clyde and Carol have always been there for me. Holidays always had at least an hour spent at their house, and vacations and birthdays we always got a present.

 My 18th Birthday

 One of the many twilight movies!

 Frozen Yogurt

 Christmas 2011

 excuse my tanning addiction and just look how beautiful the other two are..

 Senior Prom

 Graduation

Back in the Fall Glen and I were discussing future plans. I was pregnant at the time and we were tossing around the idea about moving in with my parents. I never thought I would move back in with my parents but for some reason when the idea was mentioned it just felt right. It seemed nice to me. I would have help with the baby and I would get to spend some time with my family before we moved out of Utah. So that's what we did.  The first month flew by especially as we got wrapped up in being new parents to baby Olive. Glen was working two jobs and working the night shift so it was busy. We had lots of visitors coming to see new baby girl and the holidays are always so busy.

On February 9th Glen had just finished a night shift. Olive woke up at about 6:30 and so I put some sweats on. My parents were headed out the door for early 7:00 church meetings. My mom called me as she was pulling out and told me there was an ambulance turning onto our street and she thought it was headed to the Morgans. I gave Olive to Emma and ran over right away and saw the ambulance and cop car in the driveway. I had a sick feeling and new that something was wrong. Clyde would never let someone call an ambulance for him. I was opening the door as the paramedics were coming out. That's when I saw Carol and I knew that Clyde had gone. He had gone peaceful in the night. It was a horrible day. I thought to myself "This is why we are here in Mapleton, so I can be there for Carol through the hard times this summer."

Carol immediately after Clyde's death started acting a little strange. She couldn't remember things that she should have. We had her over for dinner a lot to help keep her busy and she loved being around people. She kept saying things like "I can't leave my kids, they just lost their dad." I thought it was strange that she kept talking about her dying. She also kept expressing how she kept seeing Clyde. He wouldn't stop smiling and laughing and he was driving her nuts! Things kept getting worse. She wasn't getting out of bed for work, she couldn't remember times or dates and she couldn't have a normal conversation. I then started researching on the internet different psychosis that people can go through after the death of a loved one and some of her symptoms matched. We had plans to go to Divergent at 7:20 on March 21st. She was looking forward to it but had gone to the movie theater 2 nights in a row to make sure she didn't miss it because she couldn't remember the date and time. She was also having troubles using her phone. Her daughter called me the morning of the 21st and I told her I was really worried about Carol and I thought she needed to go to the doctor and maybe get a psych evaluation. Her daughter came down to get her dressed and make sure she had eaten and noticed her neck was very swollen. She took her to the doctor right away and he sent them immediately to the ER. They did a MRI and found 4 masses on her brain. They did a biopsy and a week later the result was stage 4 Glioblastoma. With treatments they thought they could buy her a year. They began radiation and she stayed at a treatment center. People rallied and she seriously got the best care I've ever seen. The support was amazing. When it came time for her to leave the treatment facility due to insurance they brought her home. People were spending so much time trying to do shifts with her and make sure she had 24/7 care because she couldn't be left alone. I was spending so much time trying to fill in shifts and help with her care. After a week and a half her family decided that this wasn't possible to do because of how much time and effort it was taking and she had declined a little bit. My mom must've been inspired and one scary night after she had run a high fever suggested that Glen and I move in with her. We spent the next day going to the temple and praying about what was right. Glen needed a little convincing but after we went to the temple we were on the same page and felt really strong that we needed to move in with her. The family couldn't afford a treatment center because they are ridiculously expensive and hiring a nurse full time is even more expensive. Glen and I are both Certified Nurse Assistants and have worked close with meds and dealt with a lot of these situations before. We told her family that we were willing to move in. That night when we sat down with her son and his wife, whom I love dearly, and we told them that we would move in and give Carol the care she needed. I felt Clyde very close. The room was very emotional.  I think Clyde had a plan all along for his wife, and that is why we had moved next door. 

Visiting in the hospital after her biopsy

We had a plan that we would move in until May 30th and then her kids would be able to take over because the grandkids would be out of school. We moved just our necessities over and a nice mattress and started caring for Carol. It was apparent to me right away that things were getting worse. She had started chemo and she had gotten weaker, more tired, and more anxious. The chemo was making her sick and more restless and it took much convincing for me to get her to take her chemo pill. As the weeks went on things got worse. I felt like I was watching someone with Alzheimer's progress in 3 days instead of 3 years. She had a doctors appointment that Glen and her son attended and they were so surprised at her decline they moved her MRI up 3 weeks. Carol then kicked Glen and her son out of the room so she could talk to the doctors on her own. She was very limited with speech at this point. She knew what she wanted to say but she couldn't formulate the words. It was frustrating for everyone, especially her!

 Outing to get Rita's-ended at Coldstone

Trip to the Mall

The next day things were so bad. We had left for a wedding then realized that she needed to go to the ER. Her family took her to the hospital and my friend who works in the ER received her which was another small blessing. They did the MRI right away and it showed that 2 of the tumors had doubled in size in 10 days, with treatment. The doctor she had seen a couple days previous came in and expressed that when Carol had kicked Glen and her son out of the room she had told him that if the cancer was worse she wanted to be done with treatment and wanted to be put on hospice. This was a miracle because she could hardly form a sentence and for her to be able to express her wishes was a blessing, and we were able to honor her wishes with peace of mind. We got on with an AMAZING hospice company, Sunrise is hands down the most amazing hospice company i've seen in my work. The next weekend was Mother's day. She was awake enough to spend time with over 80 people that dropped in and out of her home that weekend. She couldn't talk but could still touch and look at people. The following week was downhill and 7 days later she slipped away so peaceful just after talking to her son in Arizona and surrounded by the ones she loved most.

At the treatment center

In all my nursing experience I've never been on both sides at the same time. It was incredibly hard but the benefits outweighed the difficulty. There is nothing more gratifying than being able to care for someone you love and knowing without a doubt they got the best care anyone could've given them.
 After she had gone the days after were even more difficult. I had spent my every minute of every day and night thinking about Carol, worrying about her, making sure she had her meds and had eaten that for the weeks following I didn't know what to do with myself. I was so glad that she wasn't suffering but life just sucks. Loosing people we love sucks. Sure I'm glad that they are in a better place and I'm grateful for my faith but that doesn't make any of the process easier. The loss is still there.

 The last picture I have with both of them. So glad they met baby Olive

I am grateful for my experiences I had with Carol. I learned humility, sacrifice, service and the blessings that come from that. My knowledge of the Plan of Salvation was greatly increased. You couldn't deny there was a God and an afterlife after you felt the spirit in their home. The experiences that are too private to share were and are numberless. The lessons from this trial, and experience are undeniably some of the greatest I will have in this life.

I love Clyde and Carol and my life will never be the same without them. I know they live on and that i'll see them again someday, but that doesn't take away the sting that comes with missing them. I miss them. I miss both of them so much. I wanted to go to a movie the other night and no one would go with me. So I stayed home and cried because Carol would've gone and I missed my friend. I am a better person throughout these experiences but I also think I'm going grey from all the stress.